Well I've had two more cups of coffee, its now 6:12pm and i'm not hungry... yet.
Had to run out and get some more cigarettes. I'm down to 1/2 a pack a day and plateaued; I can't seem to smoke any less. I'm pretty much stuck with one or two every three hours and last year this time I was smoking 3 packs a day chainsmoking in front of my PC. So... there is progress, but the evolving dirt magnet hobbit is working on it.
I'm also an alcoholic. I haven't had any liquor or beer in two weeks and that's great for me. Some AA members would label me as a "dry addict" but 12 step programs don't work for me as I was in NA for a year and the program wasn't working for me. I went through 3 sponsors that all went back to using and would sadly come back to the meetings feeling shameful and although that, all group members were supportive, but the sponsors all told me to find another... so i just quit. I was in NA in Phoenix, AZ for addiction to "my drug of choice" XTC. God I loved that stuff. For hours I would play video games or watch cable tv and think to myself "I LOVE EVERYTHING" but it came at a cost. Depression, Agitation, Sadness the next day that the loving euphoric feeling was gone, and I usually drank whisky sours all day the next day to numb my senses. But I digress... I haven't done any "man-made" chemicals since 2004.
Now on to herb. Yes I use it and there is a hot debate going on now in my group "Visionary_Shamanism" on Yahoogroups that "is it addictive or habitual?" Well my point of view of *any* ethnogens like shrooms, ahyuasha, herb, salvia divinorum are all plants put here by the architecht or creator. I don't use it every day (which would be habitual and you don't get the same magical feeling when you use it every single day)... soo... I use it 2-3 times a week and meditate to new age music. It puts me in a spiritual place where i have visions and sort out my dreams. Now to those of you that don't use the 'poision path' I bow to you... Nomeste. For me however I do choose to use for shamanistic and spiritual purposes. If you want to know more and talk with actual shamans and beginners on the path join me in "Visionary_Shamanism".
I'm also considered disabled. I have a rare mental disorder that keeps me from working. I have what is labeled "Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder". Meaning: I have symptoms of Schizophrenia and bipolar traits. I do the best I can with the nut check I get monthly, but am looking at getting a part-time job, but you can't make over a certain amount or they take away your pay. As for right now I'm in a wierd place mentally and am not ready to work. Thus the last part of my online name being a hobbit. I like solitude. I have been through many relationships with women and they all break down. Some don't understand the nature of my illness and think I just don't want to work, others don't like the spiritual path of Taoist Christian Shaman I am taking by using herb. So all hands up on ppl that use herb responsibly. If you want full details on this don't go to a website that parents have built to "just say no", No my friends, go to http://www.norml.com and if you got the dough, support them in helping to decriminalize herb. *EVEN my psych doc says it should be legal to help regulate mood swings in bipolar patients like myself.
I have a med list and would like to share it with you:
Zyprexa (antipsychotic) 20mg at night
Neurontin (antiseizure) 600mg 3x daily (suffered two seizures in my life so far).
Klonopin (antianxiety) 2mg 3x daily
Sinequan (antidepressant) 100mg in the morning
Temazepam(sleep aid / hypnotic) 30 mg at night
Had to run out and get some more cigarettes. I'm down to 1/2 a pack a day and plateaued; I can't seem to smoke any less. I'm pretty much stuck with one or two every three hours and last year this time I was smoking 3 packs a day chainsmoking in front of my PC. So... there is progress, but the evolving dirt magnet hobbit is working on it.
I'm also an alcoholic. I haven't had any liquor or beer in two weeks and that's great for me. Some AA members would label me as a "dry addict" but 12 step programs don't work for me as I was in NA for a year and the program wasn't working for me. I went through 3 sponsors that all went back to using and would sadly come back to the meetings feeling shameful and although that, all group members were supportive, but the sponsors all told me to find another... so i just quit. I was in NA in Phoenix, AZ for addiction to "my drug of choice" XTC. God I loved that stuff. For hours I would play video games or watch cable tv and think to myself "I LOVE EVERYTHING" but it came at a cost. Depression, Agitation, Sadness the next day that the loving euphoric feeling was gone, and I usually drank whisky sours all day the next day to numb my senses. But I digress... I haven't done any "man-made" chemicals since 2004.
Now on to herb. Yes I use it and there is a hot debate going on now in my group "Visionary_Shamanism" on Yahoogroups that "is it addictive or habitual?" Well my point of view of *any* ethnogens like shrooms, ahyuasha, herb, salvia divinorum are all plants put here by the architecht or creator. I don't use it every day (which would be habitual and you don't get the same magical feeling when you use it every single day)... soo... I use it 2-3 times a week and meditate to new age music. It puts me in a spiritual place where i have visions and sort out my dreams. Now to those of you that don't use the 'poision path' I bow to you... Nomeste. For me however I do choose to use for shamanistic and spiritual purposes. If you want to know more and talk with actual shamans and beginners on the path join me in "Visionary_Shamanism".
I'm also considered disabled. I have a rare mental disorder that keeps me from working. I have what is labeled "Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder". Meaning: I have symptoms of Schizophrenia and bipolar traits. I do the best I can with the nut check I get monthly, but am looking at getting a part-time job, but you can't make over a certain amount or they take away your pay. As for right now I'm in a wierd place mentally and am not ready to work. Thus the last part of my online name being a hobbit. I like solitude. I have been through many relationships with women and they all break down. Some don't understand the nature of my illness and think I just don't want to work, others don't like the spiritual path of Taoist Christian Shaman I am taking by using herb. So all hands up on ppl that use herb responsibly. If you want full details on this don't go to a website that parents have built to "just say no", No my friends, go to http://www.norml.com and if you got the dough, support them in helping to decriminalize herb. *EVEN my psych doc says it should be legal to help regulate mood swings in bipolar patients like myself.
I have a med list and would like to share it with you:
Zyprexa (antipsychotic) 20mg at night
Neurontin (antiseizure) 600mg 3x daily (suffered two seizures in my life so far).
Klonopin (antianxiety) 2mg 3x daily
Sinequan (antidepressant) 100mg in the morning
Temazepam(sleep aid / hypnotic) 30 mg at night
I remember at the beginning of the decade I was only on Zyprexa and Klonopin. With my changing body chemistry I've needed to adjust my "medical cocktail" as they refer to it in the psychiatric world. And to those that have made adjustments in their life and have either reduced their meds or gone off them completely I still see patients in my group go back to the meds, but some are special and have the gift of really changing their behavior and do make it off the medication train.
As I said before I am a Taoist first and foremost, still hold true to my Christian roots and beliefs (but no longer a Catholic as i am horrified at the abuse in their churches as well as the dogma), so I am following (as best as I can) the shaman path to enlightenment.
Positive Comments are welcome.
*Mean spirited visitors that leave distasteful comments will be deleted and blocked.*
Peace-be-the-journey
~ the evolving Dirt Magnet Hobbit
Peace-be-the-journey
~ the evolving Dirt Magnet Hobbit
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