Finally kicked a 10 year cigarette habit

Well after being introduced to "Swedish Snus" I've finally been able to kick the ten-year-old habit of cigarette smoking. Just last year this time I would sit in front of my computer chain smoking up to three packs a day!

Now with the advice and help of a good friend I met online I am using "non-American" snus that doesn't cause cancer like its American competition. It has a much better flavor, at least the Lucky Strike has a nice roasted flavor, has a nice nicotine kick and my lungs are already feeling better and I'm not waking up with the morning dry smokers cough I used to have that could last up to five minutes.

I figure, hey, I'm 38 and from what I've read if one can "kick the habit" in their 30's significant repair to the lungs can be repaired by the human body. I've finally done it. I have no craving or urge to smoke another cigarette. The snus satisfies my urges and costs a fraction of what I was paying for cartons of cigarettes.

Just wanted to share that with my fellow readers of this here little blog o' mine.

Peace and blessings.

On a lighter note... my animal totem

I would like to let all you blogger readers know that my animal totem is a wolf.

I have seen wolves in my dreams twice in my life, the second one within the last month - a white wolf - in the snow leading me somewhere.

Wolves do travel alone or in packs when hunting. They are protectors of their family and generally very fond of each other, giving much of themselves.

Wolves are also teachers and pathfinders... EXACTLY what I am doing with my life right now... finding a new rebirth and path to enlightenment. I have broad spiritual beliefs with Christianity as the grounding for all my prayers (despite my lack of church attendance due to panic attacks). I can appreciate all religions because I am a Leftist Christian and have an open mind towards other beliefs. I've personally experienced Catholicism, Methodist, Wicca, Islam, Paganism, and now Shamanism - the practice of enlightenment and healing powers (for others and oneself).

In reality wolves are friendly and social creatures preferring to take a stance and growl than attack if possible. Wolves represent the spirit of freedom, but they realize that having individual freedom requires having responsibilities. Because wolf is a teacher and pathfinder, he comes when we need guidance in our lives. Those who have a Wolf Totem will move on to teach others about sacredness and spirituality.

I have chosen my personal route grounded in my youth as a Catholic Christian, albeit one that prefers to pray alone here in my apartment. I disagree with too much of the Catholic dogma, which I will not go into details on.

I say to you whom may comment "but you are tainting your Christian Catholic beliefs!!!" So I say to you without sin throw the first stone. All of the worlds religions believes "they" have the correct path to their higher power. I celebrate them all and believe in the power of "threes" and "karma". I meditate, yoga, and pray every morning and evening. I believe the energy you send out will come back to you three fold good or bad, so you better think before you act lest you have karma come back and kick your butt.

Enough said. Think deeply on my writings and remember to not judge others by outward appearances, know them and then you will most likely be surprised at whom is inside that body.

woof woof

Battle over religious symbol on VA gravestone ends

Your dirt magnet reporter here delivering the news to you world-wide:

http://soldiersmind.com

• Terri


• April 24th, 2007

This post is not meant to offend anyone, it is not meant to cause an argument, nor is it meant to express a specific religious belief, but instead meant to tell the story about a struggle that is pertinent today to many soldiers and their loved ones. Like Anthony, I tend to avoid discussions about religion the majority of the time, because like Politics, it can become very heated, very quickly. One of the things our troops are fighting to protect, is our rights to freely practice our chosen religion, as stated in the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution. Because this is one of the principles that this country was founded on, I feel that it’s very important that people of ALLfaiths and religions be allowed to practice as they see fit, as long as it doesn’t infringe upon the rights of others, including having the symbol of their religion on their grave stone at the time of their death. I’ve been following this story closely, because of that reason, but also because I have a loved one who practices the Wiccan religion, and is serving in the Military. Initially, the US Department of Veteran’s Affairs did not agree and 11 families of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, who were practicing Wiccans, were not allowed to place their religious symbol, the pentacle upon their labout the family of one of those 11 soldiers and their struggle,oved ones grave markers in the VA Cemeteries. This story is which resulted in a law suit to have the symbol below, placed on his grave stone in their local National Cemetery.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

On September 25, 2005, Sgt. Patrick Stewart died in combat operations in Afghanistan, when his Chinook helicopter was shot down by an RPG. After his death, a huge controversy ensued, when the Department of Veterans Affairs refused to allow his religious symbol, the Wiccan pentacle to be imprinted on his gravestone. When his widow, Robert Stewart questioned this, she was told by VA officials that they only allowed symbols that they have approved to be placed in its cemeteries.

Roberta Stewart was angered and rightly so. She questioned this decision, as Wicca has been a recognized religion in the US Military since 1996 and has been recognized as an official religion in the United States for many years.

She commented at the time, “Remember that all freedoms are worth fighting for.” Mrs. Stewart held an alternate memorial service for her husband with Wiccan clergy officiating, as they were not allowed to be present at the official ceremony. At that time, Mrs. Stewart placed a blue wreath with a white pentacle (the official symbol of Wicca) on her husband’s gravestone, which was blank, except for his name and dates of his birth and his death.

Patrick Stewart wasn’t and isn’t the only Wiccan in the US Military and he isn’t the only one who has died serving his country. Currently thousands of our brave troops, are practicing the Wiccan religion, as is their right. On September 29, 2006, just four days after the one year anniversary of Patrick Stewart’s death, the ACLU filed a law suit against the VA on behalf of 11 families of Wiccan soldiers who had given their lives in defense of their country. (I should make note here, that I rarely agree with the causes that the ACLU undertakes and feel that more times than not, they tend to blow things out of proportion. This time however, I feel that they did the right thing).

Yesterday, it was announced that the VA has now added the Wiccan Pentacle to the list of religious emblems that are allowed in National Cemeteries and on Government-issued headstones. A settlement was reached between the US Department of Veterans Affairs and Wiccans, naming the Pentacle to the list of “emblems of belief” that are allowed on VA grave markers. In the settlement, the VA agrees that the Pentacle, whose 5-pointed star represents earth, air, fire, water and spirit, will be placed on the grave markers within 14 days, for those who have pending requests with the VA. Other details released, said that the VA sought the settlement in the interests of the families involved and to save taxpayers the expense of further litigation, according to VA spokesman Matt Burns.

With the addition of the Pentacle, there are now 39 symbols that the VA permits on grave stones. They include commonly recognized symbols for Christianity, Buddhism, Islam and Judaism, as well as symbols for smaller religions, such as Sufism Reoriented, Eckiankar and the Japanese faith Seicho-No-Ie.

Wicca is a nature-based religion, which is based on respect for the earth, nature and the cycle of the seasons. The Wiccan Pentacle is not to be confused with variations of the symbol that have been used in horror movies and such to represent a sign of the devil, where the symbol is inverted. Those who practice the Wiccan faith, do not recognize those variations. Many of the families who were involved in the lawsuit, are hoping to have the symbols in place on their loved ones graves before Memorial Day.

journaling... a very disturbing dream

I just had a dream that me and my ex-gf were having it really out and i was leaving her and she was suing me and i was counter suing her and she was cutting herself and the song "Hate Me" by Blue October kept getting louder and louder in my brain until I was actually singing... no yelling the words to her for all she had done to hurt me with her anger, her cursing, her making her son cry, for pretending to be a loving caring woman when i first met her and now this and the song got so loud i actually woke up and the song was still playing in my damn brain. ARRRRGGGH!

I thought I was over all of this and now I am sent this bad dream. That's totally the opposite of how it happened when i left her. There was nothing thrown or broken, no curse words, no yelling, just her saying (once her son was crying) "I hate you". And her father came over and even offered to help get my stuff out, since I was on a two hour time limit to 'get the hell out of my house" deal.

I'm sorry to write such painful stuff but this one had me in the kitchen crying while smoking a cigarette. Why these flashback and misconstrued dreams of what did not take place. I don't know. Its like she sent the dream using wicca to bind and hurt me in my sleep. Its just to disturbing to go further into the graphic details of the whole dream but the song is still playing in my head and now i have to download it to hear all the words.

I'm sorry if I upset anybody, It's just a dream right?

Sad and anxious,

Potentially Habital Planet Found

Dirt magnet reporting from the AP wire:

By SETH BORENSTEIN AP Science Writer

WASHINGTON Apr 25, 2007 (AP)— For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe."

The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, known as a "red dwarf," is much smaller, dimmer and cooler than our sun.

There's still a lot that is unknown about the new planet, which could be deemed inhospitable to life once more is known about it. And it's worth noting that scientists' requirements for habitability count Mars in that category: a size relatively similar to Earth's with temperatures that would permit liquid water. However, this is the first outside our solar system that meets those standards.

"It's a significant step on the way to finding possible life in the universe," said University of Geneva astronomer Michel Mayor, one of 11 European scientists on the team that found the planet. "It's a nice discovery. We still have a lot of questions."

The results of the discovery have not been published but have been submitted to the journal Astronomy and Astrophysics.

Alan Boss, who works at the Carnegie Institution of Washington where a U.S. team of astronomers competed in the hunt for an Earth-like planet, called it "a major milestone in this business."

The planet was discovered by the European Southern Observatory's telescope in La Silla, Chile, which has a special instrument that splits light to find wobbles in different wave lengths. Those wobbles can reveal the existence of other worlds.

What they revealed is a planet circling the red dwarf star, Gliese 581. Red dwarfs are low-energy, tiny stars that give off dim red light and last longer than stars like our sun. Until a few years ago, astronomers didn't consider these stars as possible hosts of planets that might sustain life.

The discovery of the new planet, named 581 c, is sure to fuel studies of planets circling similar dim stars. About 80 percent of the stars near Earth are red dwarfs.

The assistant manager at Spencers (Venting)

Well, I showed up at 11:30 for my interview and the assistant manager says, "Ok, where's your application?" And I said, "You know I was in the store yesterday - you were the only one working. I bought a pack of incense sticks from you and you never gave me an application, made my purchase and left. I got home a half-hour later and called you about the job openings in part-time and you said to me, 'Sure thing, I'll setup the interview tomorrow at 11:30am with the general manager' so obviously there is a lack of communication here with you knowing I did not have an application, you even said not to worry about my MI and to just come in for the interview (and I'm thinking how many drugs over what period of time did SHE take last night to almost completely forget me, I mean I did shave my head, but that shouldn't have mattered). To which she replied, "Ok, here's an application. You'll have to go fill it out and we will have to reschedule you... wait a minute - you can work any day of the week right?" (her hand pulling back the application) To which I responded, "Sure, any day, any time for part-time work... may I please have the application?" Then she handed it to me and went back to talking to one of her associates. HOW F**King RUDE!!! And clueless to boot. So, I will fill out the application in the morning and turn it in and politely remind her whom I am and would like an interview as soon as possible please. ARRRRGGGHHHH God I hate stupid people. I don't hate people that are Ignorant about things because they just don't know any better, but stupid people really annoy me. I'm going to go give my cat some treats and mess around with her to calm myself down.

Interview with Spencer Gifts Today

Well today I'll make this post short.

Spencer Gifts store in the mall needs part-time workers and nobody apparently wants to work weekends. I can fill that space in three days. Three six-hour days Friday-Sunday. Max 20hrs per week.

I really don't even see a problem with me telling them I'm MI and have been out of the workforce for quite some time and am looking for an easy job, low stress, and some extra cash to supplement my income.

It should be a fun place to work. I'll get to help and hangout with all the weirdo's, freaks, hippies, and other folk that like strange stuff.

I also like it b/c its a dimly lit store and I like working in the dark. Coolness!

Peace-out people

Some comments on the VT Massacre

The following is a post sent to one of my spiritual boards which i will leave unnamed. Some poignant comments are made in regards to the MI (mentally ill). Here follows the excerpt:

--- In [deleted], James
wrote:
> The whole thing I don't like about his released videos and his past
history is that he was a loner, quiet, subdued and possibly ridiculed
on campus.
>
> This puts a bad vibe in the public's eye of people that are
naturally that way or suffer from a mental illness

I can dig it. It's a toxic stereotype. And the truth is that there's
a hell of a lot more 'mentally ill' or 'different' people that are the
victims of violence than are the perpetrators of it...
Reuben

--- In [deleted], James
wrote:
>
> The VT shooting:
>
> The whole thing I don't like about his released videos and his past
history is that he was a loner, quiet, subdued and possibly ridiculed
on campus.
>
> This puts a bad vibe in the public's eye of people that are
naturally that way or suffer from a mental illness like i do - i have
schizoaffective bipolar disorder, PTSD, OCD, and Panic Attacks. So I
mostly "hobbit" myself in my apartment happy with my pet friend tigger
the cat and read a lot of books. I stopped getting cable tv just b/c
i'm sick of the news playing over and over and over the bad news...
like Columbine and now this at VT.
>
> And how could he compare himself to 'dying like Jesus Christ'???
He wasn't nailed to a cross after being nearly beaten to death... he
simply finished his job and shot himself to death. And that's
torture? A bullet to the head is almost always instant death. I'm
sure the nether regions he now exists in will serve him justice. No
matter what your beliefs are... I believe in a universal justice in
life and after life.
>
> As for us "mentall ill", most of us are non-violent and
self-absorbed that is. I take medication and that allows me to mostly
function and interact with people that I could not do without them.
For me its a necessity right now, but maybe later - with the doctors
approval and suggestions - I can some years from now taper off my
meds. Some in my mental health group CAN and do live with out meds,
but still have their issues. Others like me have a medicine cabinet
full of meds.
>
> Peace-out,
>
> James
>
> Jennifer wrote:
>for all the poor and downtrodden. Awaken Christians to this child of
> your own creation, to this mental disaster called 'satan' manifest in
> the minds of those who dwell at the boarders of sanity.
>
> The minister cheating on his wife with gay lovers as he numbs his
> rational with powerful drugs, the preachers wife slaughtering her
> husband in a desperate attempt to escape his control, the mother who
> drown her children in the bathtub to secure their souls place in
> heaven, branch davidians burning themselves in the name of the reborn
> Messiah David Koresh, Columbine.. where will it end?
>
> Where does satan dwell? The 'world' didnt create this , other
> religions didnt create these ideas in your 'least' members minds, its
> own teachers did.... blasphemys and death roll from the mouth of the
> beast. No longer can the walls of the church sustain their firm grip
> on the chains of its own created demons, but their time is short as
> the worlds eyes open. This Monster is now real, it is manifesting
> before your very eyes , it condems and blames the innocent as it
> lashes out in its fear and frustration.

End of excerpt

Introverted, Intuiting, Feeling, Judging

This was taken from http://typelogic.com/

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Jung Typology Personality

Analysis by:
by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Yoga and Meditation are happening again

Well I've started back on my routine of AM & PM Yoga to get my body limber again. I'm also doing crunches to reduce my "beer belly". 2 sets of 10 3x a day. In this lies the key to a healthy body mind. The rewards are truly great - especially the PM Yoga right before bed. Takes all the stress out of me and reduces stiffness so i'm not only totally relaxed before bed, but i'm also loose and ready for sleep.

I have also started meditating daily for 1/2 an hour to some ambient or new age music. I need the music to block out my voices and racing thoughts. I focus on the music and my breath techniques. When I feel out of focus, I simply return to focusing solely on my breathing.

The shaman pose in the picture is exactly how I meditate. It takes being limber to do that pose cause it stretches your legs and arches of your feet. Sometimes if I have pain I sit in simple cross-legged pose. Either way I come out of my meditation very relaxed and its almost like a trance like state. My cat is naturally curious and will chitter a few cat words at me and circle me and once she see's that i'm quiet and (to her) possibly asleep sitting up she will sit right in front of me as my guardian against spirits of the nether regions. She is my protector during my meditation time.

I'm also going to be riding my bike a lot more until I sell it. I'm trying to get enough cash out of it so I can buy a single speed MCS SpeedFreak 24" BMX Cruiser. I'm getting back into racing as soon as my budget allows. Just local and state races at first in the 35-39 Cruiser group. I may be lagging behind until i build up endurance and better sprinting speed, but I'll consider that training until I'm ready to race the nationals in 40-45 Cruiser group at the Nationals I miss so much. As i've heard before, there's nothing like a boy and his bike and the joy of biking. I might also head over to the old hospital hill and work on my strength training and endurance.

Here's to another great day brought to us on the east coast by mother Gaea herself.

Have a good one fellow readers.

AM practice at the BMX track

Happy Earth Day!!!

I took AM practice with Jason, a fellow bmxer and he brought his twenty-incher out to practice since he said he's racing the Woodbridge (NOVA) national next weekend in 35 & over Novice. I think he's ready.

I had some good runs on my mountain bike and finally got down pedaling over the mini rollers (not really doubles) not stopping and cheat manualing the step up at full speed. Not as fast as if I had been on a cruiser, but still cookin'!

If you look at the picture closely you will see half-way down the rollers before the step-up jump on the first straight. I rode for a good hour before my legs felt like noodles, my arms were sore from pulling up for speed rolling the jumps and my arches hurt and became stiff. But I left feeling good, a good tired that only exercise can bring since that brings endorphins out into your brain making you feel euphoric (again i like that word).

I think that every nice day we have out now I'm going to ride the track for an hour and try and do the whole track non-stop pedaling. We in Winchester have the longest track in the state and the second straight is partially uphill with lots of jumps. If say in six months of this I should be able to ride the whole track hard and still have energy left for more after the finish line.

So ride on and on I will and enjoy the feeling of bike and earthen track and the rider/bike connection I feel when I ride. Its like magic. Nothing compares to riding smooth and with some style. I'll leave the big jumps to the expert teens, for me just being able to pull for these jumps and speed roll them is an accomplishment in itself for me.

Peace-out bikers.

So euphoric about dropping by the BMX track

Well I made it out of the house... I was having second thoughts about showing up and not seeing anybody I knew and was generally anxious about being around a lot of people. Well that part is right, I was slightly a nervous wreck. Large crowds of people now make me nervous and I didn't take an extra klonopin.

Then I met two old bmx buds of mine, one of which I used to race over a decade ago in close competition in the 21-27 cruiser division - Jason. My bud Jason is 41 and my other bro Gary is 51 and works at our local bike shop.

Wow. What a pleasure to meet them both and tell them I'm back in Winchester for good. Jason even let me grab his cruiser and take a ride around and snap a few starts in the dirt parking lot. All I can say is his bike is setup to be like shot out of a cannon. I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW FAST HIS BIKE ACCELERATED AND ALMOST GOT UP THE NERVE TO JUMP THE FIRST STEP UP - with his bike - tomorrow when we go for a ride in the morning. Man I had a blast. Now to figure a way to sell my mountain bike and get a cruiser. I *want* to race... I *need* to get back into it and race.

As I was talking with my bros they said hey if you want to get in shape just race locals for the next two years and then hit the nationals in the 40-45 cruiser group. They said the sooner you race the better you will be along with regular practice and yoga. Heck I need to get rid of this beer belly and stop drinking altogether. This sport can do it for me... this is what I've been missing. Just get a loaner full-face helmet and buy a chest protector you see on all the motocross guys and I'm set.

Simply euphoric and in ecstasy.

Lost in the nether regions

Yepp, I'm lost in the nether regions. I guess it started when I got screwed through the drive through at MCD's when I asked for 3 sausage biscuits with egg and only got two, paid for three. That really p.o.'ed me. So from now on I'm going in and if they screw up I will tell them they are morons and ask for the stupid manager to fix my order. Geez, kids these days.

But I digress... I guess I'm feeling old, fat, and out of the loop and I really want to ride the track tonight, but I'll have to settle for watching the action on a bench. Hopefully I'll recognize some people and old BMX buds just commin' out like me to watch the action. Hopefully there wont' be any bad wrecks, but there always seems to be at our track... a national track - call it the Winchester BMX kharma.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better about things once I get my wheels in the dirt and ride this monster. Its supposed to drop into the 30's tonight but is hangin' at 77 degrees right now but the race don't start until 6pm. I'm about to go out to taco hell and get a supreme burrito or two.

Hangin' loose in the nether regions.

Sunrise over Winchester, Virginia

It's a beautiful day outside and no wind. The temperature is supposed to be in the mid 70's and sunny. Not a cloud in the sky. I took this shot with my camera phone at 6:45AM this morning out my window.

Today is the season opener for the BMX race at 6pm sharp and I'll be there at 5pm to watch the practice and maybe get some shots of the track and the riders.

Hopefully I can meet and connect with some of my old BMX buds and reminisce about the old school days. I especially like watching the older teens race - man they are fast and smooth. I can't wait to see them sky some big jumps and show some style.

I'm probably gonna chill here in a lil bit cause my cat got me up at 4am. So I'm staring to get sleepy.

Have a good one everybody!

Winchester BMX track ready for season opener

Well after a short trip to the BMX Track in our city park it's finally ready for the season opener tomorrow evening. All the jumps are packed and smooth, the straights packed and no rocks, just some sweeping in the turns and it will be perfect for opening day!

I should have brought my Kona mountain bike, but thought they would still be working on it, but no its done.

I checked the distance of the big double going into the first turn and its 22 feet across tip to tip! I can't wait to see some experts skying that one! I'm just glad i can speed manual that on my mountain bike. I'm still pretty good at pulling for jumps... call it speed rolling or manualing, its not really called "wheeling" anymore. But this manuver keeps your back wheel on the ground so you can pedal over the tabletops and I've still got the skills to roll and pump and flex.

The last straight is incredibly hard. Big ass rollers - 7 of them and then a small camelback. I'll try and take some pictures on my camera phone, but they always look grainy and the camera is not a high speed camera so i won't be able to get pics of the riders in mid flight - it'll look like a blur. But I do want to get pictures of the track and some riders chillin in practice.

I'll give you the full race report tomorrow evening.

Saturday its supposed to be mid 70's - perfect for racing, but 40's in the evening so I'm sure it'll make the racers frisky. Sunday is supposed to be near 80 and sunny and I'm going to ride my bike in the morning. I'm leaving my cellphone in my pocket in case i wreck hard and need an ambulance, I just never know. What sucks is I don't have a helmet, but a friend of mine from Herndon has a spare full face that fits me so he'll bring that up soon.

Have a good one!

Birth of a great sunshiney day

Today looks like a bright sunshiney day. As I got up and had opened the window to my kitchen to let in some fresh air around 6:20am there was somebody in a red mazda 3 outside in the parking lot smoking it up. I think it was p*t, but I'm not sure. I do know this, it only takes a second or two to light a cigarette, but the length and time of the flame for this dude was about 10 seconds I would say.

After he noticed me looking out at him he drove away. Darnit... I wanted to ask him where to find some w**d. I'm out and its the dry season around here for that kind of thing. I've been smoke free for about a month and am doing fine without it, but would love to have some today and walk around town and just enjoy the sunshine.

Today is almost a week since I quit smoking cigarettes and I'm still coughing up grey flem in the shower. Gross. I guess my lungs are trying to clear up and so I can breathe better. The Chantix I'm on finally tomorrow will be the full dose AM & PM. I think that will help my morning cravings much better.

I should go bike riding today at the BMX track. I could use the exercise and might be my last chance until Sunday to ride it since they are having a local race on Saturday.

I got about 7 hours of sleep so I'm pretty good to go. Darn cat woke me up at 6am. I think she goes by the natural circadian rhythm. She begins to get "sleepy eyed" when the sun sets at 8pm and is usually asleep by 9pm. Then, ready for action at the break of dawn. She's bold enough to even crawl under the blanket and touch me nose to nose and meow at me. I'm like go away! Its not time to get up and she's like 'yes it is master!'. Sheesh. What a cat. Now she's had her run through the apartment she's asleep now on my futon.

Y'all have a great day, I know I will

Peace-out

Reading and Studying "The Celestine Prophecy"

I have read this book at least three times and every time I re-read it I connect with the cosmos and coincidences that make up the first insight. I am also looking at the longer period of history - the second insight.

I must meditate and pray on this book as it reveals what we are searching for after this recent several hundred years of industrial revolution. People are beginning to wake up to the question. Its the question that drives us, and its not "The Matrix", rather it's the reason for us being here on earth and our vision quests that take us further into the nether regions.

I find much enlightenment in this book and recommend it to anybody that is interested in finding reason and purpose in life. Its bigger than you can Imagine and there are many touring groups to Peru where you will find the earth in its "unadulterated" state of being and you will see and connect with the plants of the region and see the "energy fields" as I have been lucky enough to see after a previous night (a decade ago) of using LSD and then bike riding an empty industrial park way in Richmond, VA with its tall trees... I could see the energy fields flowing like waves and mists from the tree tops. It was simply awe inspiring. I may have trouble now seeing them since I haven't done acid / LSD in a decade, but I think I might be ready for another trip. Kudos to all that can obtain their visions without substance, but for me, the ONLY preparation for this kind of journey is LSD. As Lewis Black the comedian said, when you are interviewing for a part to be yourself, LSD is the ONLY, the ONLY preparation for knowing the true you.

Peace-out peoples,

the dirt magnet hobbit

Increase in antidepressant key in concentration

Change up in medication times seems to make a difference. Since I stated taking my antidepressant in the mornings, I've felt less hypomanic and have been able to concentrate longer - like reading a book or watching a movie.

Although the Sinequan (antidepressant) is only available in max strength of 50mg, my doctor has doubled it and I take two capsules in the morning. I mean I don't get sleepy, but more subdued and my concentration is much better.
Not only that, but this "older" medication works better than the costly newer ones. I'm not as depressed as I was before the increase. I don't feel as lonely I was before, feel a great connection to my cat Tigger and generally have an overwhelming feeling of being happy in the moment - thus, the Tao appears to me.

Lusting for furry sex drawings

*Warning* Sexually explicit discussion ahead and sexual orientation explored. If this material bothers you, do not read any further*

I'm NOT into fursuit sex, but have a strong affinity for 'sexually explicit' anthropomorphic animal/human sex. Its a HOT turn on for me. I have both male and female pictures that, as Spock would say, "fascinating". I guess that's the fun in being a Bisexual. I get the best of both worlds of sex. Truth be told.

I think the drawings are extremely erotic and I've printed out enough to cover both walls in my computer office.

For your viewing pleasure I've included in this post both a male scene and a female scene. I just happened to find these on the internet through a 'furry/yiffy' web ring.

ODD, yes, but you have to give the artwork credit for its creativity in the erotic scene.

Enjoy
the dirt magnet hobbit

Day 5 without cigarettes

Hey it's getting easier now to deal with not smoking and less nicotine fits. I *really* need this addiction to quit so when i go biking my lungs aren't screaming for air. My body should be a temple and cigarettes suck ass. Worst addiction I've ever had.

With the CHANTIX, I've found that maybe once or twice a day i need a skoal bandit to help with the cravings... but for the most part i am fine. It's the darn mornings when i wake up I still have a strong urge to smoke, so i grab a skoal bandit, make coffee, have a cup, and spit out the tobacco. Mornings have always been a ritual to me to have my cigarette with coffee, but i disassociate between the two and still like my morning coffee.

Next post on how I'm coping without cigarettes will be after a week without them. I hope the rest of you that find this page and are trying to quit smoking have the best of luck as its not the easiest thing in the world to do.

Peace-be-the-journey,

the dirt magnet hobbit.

Day 4 without cigarettes

Well I've come some distance in my pursuit of quitting smoking. Thankfully now the doseage is increasing to twice a day and I think that is giving me less nicotine fits.

I'm just glad now that i'm getting some relief from the cigarettes. I really think this program is going to work and then here and there a skoal bandit to help with my nic cravings at least until i get my full dose of CHANTIX starting in a few days 2x a day.

That is all for now. Time to hit the hay and get some rest.

Peace out peoples,

the dirt magnet hobbit.

Remembering my BMX grass roots

I've decided to get back into BMX racing. Even with all the broken bones and injuries I've had... I will train for two years and race the nationals in the 40-45 cruiser group. I also want to be able to jump some stuff and still pull out some skills I still have stuffed in my back pocket.

But first I need to be limber. That requires a lot of yoga and I'm up for it.

Second, it requires me to actually ride the BMX track locally and do the best with the Kona Mountain Bike I can... not owning a cruiser as of yet.

Third, lots of trail riding will boost my endurance and sprinting hills in downtown Winchester.

So I got a lot on my plate to accomplish in the next two years to bring me back to a level where I can compete at the level I will need to be at if I want to make my mains in the nationals. At the ABA Grand Nationals there must have been 4 or 5 motos of 40-45 yr old cruisers up on the board and they had quarter finals!!! So it means I not only have to make it out of my motos, I have to come in at least 4th place to keep the winning vibes flowing in the qualifing rounds to the main event. But here on the East Coast the NBL runs most of the BMX tracks while the ABA runs the midwest, southwest, and west coast tracks.

Here's the difference... the NBL doesn't build the jumps right, they are all peaked, so its hard to speed roll them if you can't jump or clear them, compared to the aba where yes there are peaks, but they are rounded as well as the rollers are smooth enough to manual or pump though (body english and flexing with the bike.

Yoga, BMX track, Hills, Trail Riding. Oh yea and if I want to get rid of this beer belly I must do crunches every day and in six months will have the beginnings of a six pack - provided I don't drink any more beer.

Ride on and on and on until the break of dawn!

Peace out peoples,

the dirt magnet hobbit

3rd Day without cigarettes

This here post is brought to you by CHANTIX, a Pfizer drug that is *Supposed* to help with Nicotine Cravings. Its total bulls**t. The first week they have you on just 1/2 a dose the rest of the program is on and only 1 pill a day.

I mean I've had some SERIOUS nicotine fits and had to grab some snuff (skoal bandits) to alleviate my withdrawals... Is this what junkies go though when they can't get their junk??? (Heroin). This has got to be worse than crack. I was over the edge yesterday in complete emotional, physical, and mental discomfort. That is until I started using snuff here and there or whenever the craving would hit, use the pouch for like 1/2 an hour then put it back in the tin, grab it later, reuse it, put it back... using one pouch for about three uses.

I hate this med, the patch did me better - last year i made it a week without smoking then suddenly decided aw f**k it. I'm going to smoke again anyway. Well now I'm not so worried about the cigaretes as I am being stuck or addicted to snus / snuff tobbacco. A fellow friend of mine on one of my health boards suggested I use *sweedish snus* that is all natural tobbacco with no additives and less nicotine and costs about 1/2 the price per tin that skoal costs, but i have to pay shipping charges so its all about the same or slightly more.

I've been up since 3:35am and with four hours of sleep still awake and going strong. I'm sure I'll take several naps again today. That seems to help until i get restless and need to focus my attention on something and that's usually the computer online.

Peace-out peoples,

the dirt magnet hobbit

2nd Day without cigarettes

Well it aint getting any easier. Had to grab a skoal bandit pouch this morning, and use that for about 1/2 hr to quell my INCREDIBLE craving for Nicotine. I can control the use of the pouch, but hand me a pack of cigarettes and even if you told me just have one, I would have several, then the whole pack.

It seems to take this new medication "Chantix" about 2 hours to really start working. The picture describes how my mood and feelings are right now. I feel dead without my cigarette companions, like i said before, feel like i've left a good ol' friend behind.

I keep hearing from my mental health group that after the first week it becomes easier and then after one week my dose is doubled and twice a day for the next 3 weeks. I can't afford the full 3 month program (no insurance, cost me $130 for the one month program), so I'm going to have to make due with the one month program and maybe a skoal bandit here and there, but I REFUSE to BEND and buy cigarettes any more.

My cat made me mad this morning by having a cat crack moment of running around the house and walking over me in bed trying to wake me up. And now she's sleeping again. Nice, Nice. Not really, oh wait she's right here. She wants to sit in the windowsill where my computer desk is. The weather looks about as dreary as can be with wind, cold, and rain.

I gotta go. I don't attend church services because of my nature to have panic attacks in close quarters with so many other people i usually freak, so i'm going to wash my hands and pray my parayer beads.

Peace-out all,

the evolving dirt magnet hobbit

1st Day without cigarettes

Well this is my first day of stopping smoking cigarettes. It is very hard right now and its been about an hour since i started my anti-smoking medication - Chantix. I only feel a tiny bit better, but would wrestle a bear for a friggin ciggy right now.

Trying to keep busy. I'm trying to drink lots of coffee cause its a diuretic and will help cleanse my system of the nicotine from all the smokes i had last night and i went through a pack of cigarettes last night in 4 hours!!! So yea you could say the next few days are going to be hell and i'm going to unconsciously be mean to somebody. I'm sure I'll bite somebody's head off if they say something that just pisses me off. Normally I would ignore said conversation or comments and just have a smoke. I feel like I lost a good friend my cigarettes. But hey, I didn't START smoking until I was 22. So for 22 years I had no problem not smoking even though my mom did. I just got in with a crowd of ppl at work that smoked and started saying, hey this calms me down AND we get to have outside back office chit-chat.

I'm also afraid i'm going to pack on the pounds and eat like a swine. I have an 'affinity' to MCD's .99 cent double cheese burgers but the nutritional information on it says 440 calories. Heck when i DO eat them I buy 4 and that's like two days worth of calories right there. So maybe I need to turn my focus inward and stop what i'm doing and meditate and do yoga stretches to fight the urge to overeat.

Peace-out space fans.

the dirt magnet hobbit

Quitting smoking cigarettes tomorrow for good!

Well I'm very anxious about tomorrow. Because tomorrow I'm giving my 110% to quit smoking and just picked up a rather costly month supply of this new anti-smoking pill called CHANTIX. My doctor says there's a high success rate for those that use it and it really does stop the cravings. So I'm hopeful that when i awake in the morning and rush to take that first pill I hope it don't take long to kick in cause that's when my nicotine fits are the worst. But I'm finishing my last pack tonight, got like 5 left.

So with the pill, some dedicated effort on my part, and support from one of my health groups I can do this. I've tried the patch and the gum and neither worked for me... still kept smoking.

And... the Pharmacist said do not smoke while on this medication or you may get sick. I agree. And having no cigarettes in the house in the morning should help.

With the grace of my higher power I pray to quit smoking for good and break a 10 year habit. Then maybe my blood pressure will return to a more healthy level.

Peace-out peoples,

the dirt magnet hobbit

A visionary dream, some good sleep

After having a phone consultation with my psych doctor yesterday he upped my sleep aid Temazepam (Restoril) double to 30mg. And... last night I slept like baby and got a full 8 hours of sleep... the most i've had in months. No brain fog, I have plenty of energy, and am ready for the day.

I went on a visionary bmx quest in my dreams last night and it was simply amazing, its everything i could have wanted in my dream - it was so euphoric i almost came in my pants... no, actually during the dream i had to pee and was leaving our new national indoor bmx track (after i had first runs at it and rode just like i used to back in the day - for me that would be 1987-2000) i had to pee in my dream and was walking my bike out of the track area to the restroom and woke up and guess what... I did have to pee. I was surprised I woke up at 4:40am this morning, but i went to bed at 8pm and fell asleep sometime around 9pm. I FEEL GREAT!!!. Hell taking maxxed out doses of psych meds is waaaay better than using 'illicit substances' like MDMA (XTC) that i used most of 2004 (amazing i still have a functioning brain left). But I left the man-made chemicals behind when the calandar changed to 2005 and only use herb sparingly for vision quests while meditating to ambient music.

Well, i'm outta cigarettes and the coffee is done brewing so I'm going to have a cup and go get some smokes. That's all for now and Peace-out,

the evolving dirt magnet hobbit

Found what I needed :o)

I'm happy that I found a small stash of scapings to put in my bowl. It's been 3 weeks since i last had herb and was happy last night and of course when you wait a while between smoking (ie - not like a daily p*thead) that it had such a magikal experience and meditated and called on my higher power to assist me in my meditation journey to help me interpret my dreams sitting in my subconscious.

I've skipped beer since beer makes me sick; my body can't absorb it like i could drink like a fish when i was in my 20's, now being 38... well it just don't help me at all and it shouldn't be mixed with my meds so i opt for the ethnogen path some shamans take on their visionary quests.

Peace Symbol up for all that use the sacred herb responsibly and occasionally!

My feline female companion

I have a great feline companion I have named Tigger. It fits her perfectly. She is up at 4am every morning either playing with her catnip mice scattered thoughout the apartment or her little noisy plastic balls she plays soccer with around my pad.

I rescued her from our local SPCA as I have done in the past so I can do my part to save an animal. She was 1 month pregnant when I had her spayed and i pray her unborn kittens that were euthanized during the operation have a safe journey into the next world. Since she was a stray 1 1/2 yrs old, she can get pretty wild sometimes, but has come to trust me and love me and is also the most "chatty" cat i've ever owned. She'll speak in her own tongue sentences of chirps and meows greeting me in the early morning so i can fill her food and water bowls and clean out her litter box.

Her favorite spot is in the windowsill of my computer room and will watch the birds outside just chillin.

Peace-be-the-journey,

the dirt magnet hobbit

My sport of biking

Wanna see my ride?

Its a Kona Cinder Cone 2005 model. 18" size, 26" wheels. Marzocchi shock fork, hardtail.

Very nimble and quick. The gear thing bothers me b/c i'm used to riding a bike with only one speed and so it is with this bike. Someday I hope to get a BMX 24" cruiser just for riding the bmx track and keeping the kona for trail riding.

If you look closely, you can see i'm running platform pedals. Yes, I'm pretty much old school, don't like clip in pedals and shoes, I like the ability to take my feet off the pedals easy if i need to ditch the ride. Although... that makes it hard on bumpy trails not being clipped in, but hey it works for me.

So you riders out there go get off the computer and go ride.

Ride on and on and on till the break of dawn!

Peace-be-the-journey,

the dirt magnet hobbit

My sexual, philisophical, and spiritual nature

Ok, by now you know some things about me... but what of my nature and being? Are you ready for it?

***WARNING PERSONAL AND SENSITIVE MATERIAL MAY OFFEND OTHERS... DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR SPIRITUAL NATURE***

I am a bisexual. Guess it comes with the territory when one is bipolar too. Bisexual by orientation, straight in preference to women. However, having said that I have never been able to hold toghether a relationship with women for more than 3 months at a time. I am a hobbit and do better in solitude and i like that.

The picture you see on the left is my wolf totem animal wearing the rainbow pride shirt. That would be me. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda guy.

I have had only two sexual encounters with guys compared to the seven women I've slept with, and would like to have more of that. So, you could say i'm just looking for a hookup and friendship - no strings attached.

My spiritual nature over my life experiencing first catholicism, then protestant methodist, then wicca, then islam, then shaman practices and metaphysical studies and meditation. All experienced through my female partners. And... it has brought me to this point in life where i have found the most enlightenment and peace though the Tao. I've read the Tao Te Ching, Hua Hu Ching, and The way of Chang Tzu. All of this can work with my inner christian beliefs despite what some of you may think that i'm 'tainting' my christian beliefs; but no, i still pray, use prayer beads, meditate, and enjoy philisophical discussions - particuarly those related to the Tao and Tai Chi the complete term for the Yin (female) and Yang (male) symbol. I also connect to those in my visionary_shamanism group on Yahoo Groups. I'm also a moderator for a Yahoo group which I like to refer to without naming it I call the wacky bannana splits (anybody out there remember the Bannana Splits on 70's cartoons?). It's a pretty much let it all hang out group and free discussions on about anything but "illicit substances" I leave that up to my group "visionary_shamanism".

Today is a day of prayer, visitation to my mother whom is in surgury right now to have her second cartorid artery cleaned out and thanks to prayers offered in my other groups I have faith that she will do just fine. I'm going for a mountain bike ride at the local bmx track. It clears my mind and I become free through the connection to my bike, the earthen track and the full use of both my upper and lower body riding such a hard national bmx track as we have here in Winchester, Virginia.

I'm currently listening to the group 'VAS' chanting music and it is very soothing.

Thanks for dropping by my fellow visitors and email me at my gmail account if you like at:

~ the dirt magnet hobbit